Vegas Mistakes!!!!!

I am a mom; issuing edicts and warnings is what moms do. So here are a bunch of “mom warnings” to take heed of before you venture off to Vegas; a list of Vegas Don’ts.

1. For heaven’s sake, do not buy cute new shoes and bring them to wear in Vegas. You will be crippled and bloody in mere hours. Bring your oldest, most comfortable pair of shoes instead. No one is looking at your feet.

2. Don’t underestimate the distance between places. Yes, you can see hundreds of signs out of your window, and they don’t look THAT far away, but they are. They are far, far away. You will curse yourself for attempting to walk to them; especially if it is summer time and you are dying of dehydration after three steps. Just take an Uber or a Lyft and get there quickly and painlessly.

3.Don’t drink yourself into a stupor. Yes, drinking is fun, but you want to be able to remember your trip, don’t you? If your defenses are down all manner of nasty things might happen to you. Also never leave your drink unattended. Have fun, but keep your wits about you at all times. There is no shortage of people who would like to take advantage of you in your inebriated state. And don’t gamble while drunk, that is, unless you want to lose all your money in an hour.

4. Don’t lose all your money in an hour. You have to exhibit restraint. Your money has to last through your entire trip. No one wants to sit in their hotel room watching TV and eating crackers. Budget! And should you actually WIN some money, be discreet, don’t flash it around or you might as well put a giant sign on your back saying “ROB ME!”.

5. Don’t forget that the hotel will put a hold on your credit card. Make sure you have access to enough backup funds to last your whole trip. Which brings to mind number 6…

6. Don’t be that person who has to borrow from their friends.

7. Don’t forget to take a picture of your room number with your phone, just in case the amazing-ness of Vegas wipes everything else from your mind.

8. Don’t get burned to a crisp. The Vegas sun will do a number on your skin. Lobsters aren’t cute, so don’t become one.

9. Don’t forget to pack your drugstore. No, not a literal drugstore, but your regular meds and certain things such as anti-nausea and anti-diarrhea medicine. Those things have saved my ass (literally) more than once.

10. Don’t call the numbers on the porn slapper cards. Do you really think that gorgeous young lady will show up at your door? The person that shows up will not even vaguely resemble her, plus the price listed is just for someone showing up, not for any “activities.” I would skip this altogether unless you want to bring home more than you bargained for (your mileage may vary).

11. Don’t stop and talk to the timeshare people, or the CD people, or the cream people, or any other kind of people that seem to be stringing a line of BS, because that is exactly what it is. Don’t waste valuable Vegas-time listening to it.

12. Don’t forget to tip. Vegas runs on tips. You will get a better seat, a better table, and better service if you tip.

13. Don’t wander too far out of the major tourist areas. (i.e., the Strip and under the canopy downtown, with the exception of Fremont East). There is safety in numbers.

14. Don’t run yourself ragged. You can’t see everything in one trip so don’t try. Remember this is a vacation so relax, sleep, chill. It will all still be here the next time you visit. (Or most of it will)

I could go on indefinitely, but you probably stopped paying attention ten rules ago, much like my children.

Enjoy, but be safe.

Photos by Casino.org, Micheal M, and Civilized Life
This article was published previously.